i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
