my phone needs a breathalizer
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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