Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
