I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
