i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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