so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Randomize
