uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
