I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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