So drunk its hurt
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
