i already hear my dad disowning me
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
there is glitter all over my balls
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
