wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
