Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
