I'm so fucking centered right now
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Is it because I queefed?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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