I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
