Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
