Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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