I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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