two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
