All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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