meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
