Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
