Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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