please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
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why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
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Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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