Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
