eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
