allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
