Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
