i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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