Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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