So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
