If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
