I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
