you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
