I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
