I feel great
I just peed on a car
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
