she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
