I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
