I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
