I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.