Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.