Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.