You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
