almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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