On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
