Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
