i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
pop tarts are not kleenex
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
