do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
