I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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