I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
