sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
