he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
