Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
