You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
