Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
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my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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