I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize