I can text with my tongue
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
