Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
your like the ambassador to my penis.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
