His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
