Will you blow on my dice?
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
