All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
