I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
