he wants to bone in the snuggie
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
